How do I tell you this?
How do I tell you these thoughts in my head?
How do I tell you these words I want to spill?
How do I say what’s on my mind?
How do I say what I need to say?
How do I say what I feel for you?
How do I possibly reveal how I feel?
How do I possibly acknowledge this is real?
How do I possibly attempt to conceal…
Everything that you heal
Everything that’s real
Everything that I feel
I could say I like you
I could say I need you
I could say please hold me
I could say please kiss me
I want to hold your hand
I want to talk on the phone
I want to use you as a pillow
I want you to keep me warm
I want you to make sure I’m not scared
I want you to keep making me smile

Truth is, I smile when I’m with you
Truth is, I want to walk to class with you
Truth is, I feel so at home with you
Truth is, I had so much fun driving with you
Truth is, I’d watch any movie as long as
Truth is, I’m glad your family likes me
Truth is, I was a little jealous when my friend was on you
Truth is, I really like when you say ‘malique’ even though I don’t fully understand it

The biggest truth is:
I know I probably sound stupid because I’ve only known you a few days.
But for those few days, I’ve actually been happy.
I like you.

I just haven’t figured out how to actually tell you.

Ah, after a day full of worry and stress over a specific person who I barely know, I have had an awesome night for the first time in a while.


I haven't laughed this much in forever. So fucking amazing.
NOMORESUFFERINGZ. :]

So yeah, I've been on my little writing sprees lately and since I always figure putting up stories here is the best {just in case my computer decides to implode/explode}, this is a new story I've been working on. It happens to be titled:

A Hopeless Romantic’s Walk Through Life:
Based on a Really Depressing, But True, Story
***CYNICISM INCLUDED FREE OF CHARGE!***

So, I hope anyone who reads this happens to enjoy! Feel free to comment with your thoughts about it. This happens to be the introduction.

-------Intro: Enter, Heartbreak-------
Love. What a load of bullshit.
They always tell us that everything is going to be just fine. I don't know how many girls have told me that 'he's just another guy'. Yeah, another guy I spent over a year loving and spending time with. Another guy I expected to spend more than just that year with. Another guy who I didn't plan on losing any time soon. I mean, I realize it's tough to figure out what to say after a break-up, but really, you could come up with something better than 'he's just another guy'.
Guys aren't much better with what they say actually. Every single one of my guy friends, mostly the straight ones since half of the gay ones just said exactly what the girls said, said, "Don't worry kid. You're one in a million. And your better half is out there somewhere." And I'll tell anyone reading this the same exact thing that I tell them. I really doubt there are actually six-thousand people exactly like me. And who says a better half really exists? I mean, how can you put yourself out there if you're only half a person. I know it sounds insane, but think about it. If you're not complete and able to maintain yourself as a whole, how can you expect to have the stability to invite someone else into your life? Yeah, two halves make a whole, but I like to think of things more as two become one.
So, I'm sure you're probably thinking, "What the fuck is wrong with this girl and all her mixed emotions?" You're not wrong for having these thoughts, but just go easy on me. Break-ups aren't always the easiest thing to handle as I'm sure plenty of you would know. Whether you're a man or a woman, a teen or adult, you know how crazy getting dumped can be, even if you knew it was coming. Or didn't. Truth be told, I'm not exactly sure what just happened. So right now, my brain is filled with my usual thoughts of cynicism along with a dash of my hopeless romantic. And, you know, that longing to commit defenestration, which for those of you who may not know, is throwing yourself out a window. Sounds great right about now. No it doesn't. I hate men. But I really don't. Why can't things just be a little easier on me for once?

- - -
Sorry about that; somewhat of an emotional breakdown. I had to rush over to the bathroom and stop writing for a second. If you could see me now, you'd see red eyes, a few dried out streams of tears running down my cheeks, some really messed up make-up, and more than enough hairs out of place. It's not that I've been crying that much, because I haven't, but it's just the fact that the few tears that escaped me along with my mini-breakdown pretty much destroyed me on their own.
A few weeks, scratch that, a few days ago, you would've seen a girl skipping down a sidewalk on a rainy day, umbrella in hand and hair flowing along with the wind, a few raindrops latching onto the dark brown strands. You'd see a girl who couldn't wait to get to her destination. To the location she desired the most. To the man she couldn't resist. The man she hoped to spend an eternity with. A girl, who didn't know what was coming, and who had her heart set on loving him for a long time to come. A girl, naive and foolish, who expected these feelings to be the same in his heart. A girl, not so innocent, but unsullied enough to believe in true love yet again, to have hope for this time around, even though she’d had so many rough experiences in the past.
There’s a song that says that love will keep us together, but I’ve never agreed with that. You can think of someone all the time, but that doesn’t mean that they’ll be thinking about you all the time. You can’t just look into someone’s heart and let love keep you together. Love won’t keep anything together; especially not if it’s unrequited. Then again, what isn’t unrequited nowadays? I can head to a candy shop and want all of those sweets so bad, but I’m pretty sure that the candy isn’t about to jump off the shelves and run into my arms to reciprocate their love for me even though it’s my one desire at the moment. I’m not going to be one of those people who lies and tells you that unrequited love is natural because it fucking isn’t. Just because something is there doesn’t mean it should be. Girls shouldn’t have to sit in flower fields picking endless amounts of daisies just to pull off their petals until they finally get a ‘he loves me’ out of it instead of yet another ‘he loves me not’.
So, now you get what you’ve probably been waiting for this entire time; the actual story. Every little heart-wrenching detail, every little instant of romance, every single moment that made my heart flutter and filled my stomach with butterflies, every single thought that made me scared to lose him, and that flash of who knows what that ended it all.
This is a true story. Any names and places that seem familiar probably are. Forget anything that you’ve been told about me or about anyone that I’m about to talk about. It might be right and it might be wrong, but treat this like something new. Something you’ve never heard before about someone you’ve never met in your life. Just don’t forget, this isn’t your usual love story. It doesn’t exactly have a happy ending. There are sure as hell more than enough happy moments for one story to have, but it isn’t the ending you’d hope for.
Now where to begin? At the beginning, of course.

Dear Madame Brittney told me she was writing a little something for a scholarship and I asked her what it was and she answered with:

• If you could have lunch with any famous person, either living or dead, whom would you choose and why? Describe your conversation at lunch.

I found this pretty interesting and started pondering who exactly I would speak to. And I can't really choose one person. So, I feel the need to just go over this in narrative form. Here's my first option.


1. Chuck Palahniuk
The day began as any other; the sky slightly cloudy during the midday and the wind beginning to blow against the trees that stood tall next to the minuscule coffee shop tables. A man sitting at the table looked around at his surroundings, awaiting for the young adult he was meeting with to arrive. This man, Chuck Palahniuk, is the writer of various novels, such as Fight Club, Choke, Lullaby, and Stranger Than Fiction. The young man, myself, walks up to the coffee shop table; within his hands a copy of Invisible Monsters, his favorite novel by the author sitting just in front of him.
"Are you Juan?" The man asks, taking a moment from his people watching to look up at the young man in front of him. He nods instead of replying, lacking the ability to speak while standing in front of one of his heroes. Taking a seat, he finally gets enough courage and strength to actually say something and quickly blurts out, "It's an honor to meet you!" A chuckle emerges from the author and a grin spreads on his face. "I wouldn't really consider myself all that honorable," Chuck would say with yet another chuckle.
"What can I say? You're just a fucking badass," the young man would say, laughing as well. "I mean, any man who can write like you deserves to have someone tell him that it's an honor to meet him! Hell, I'd fucking propose to you right now if it wasn't for the fact that I just met you." The smile on the young mans face was an honest one, a show of true happiness of finally meeting someone who'd influenced him so much. "So, if you don't mind, I've already got one signed book, but I'd rather have another," he said, holding out the novel he'd been carrying, implying that he wanted it signed by the man in front of him.
"Why not," the author said simply, grabbing the book and flipping it open to sign. "So, you said you had some stuff to ask me?"
The young man nods and immediately begins to think about what to ask first. But, before he even gets a chance to say his first question, the other interrupts him and says, "You've got three questions, pick 'em right." A smirk appears on the mans face as he realizes that he's made the young man even more nervous about what exactly he could ask. There were so many possibilities rushing through his head, but no official ideas of what exactly to choose. "Fuck it," he said, deciding to get it over with. The first three questions that popped into his head would be the first and only three to escape his lips.

When the feelings gone and you cant go on
It's tragedy

Just because a love is meant to be doesn't mean it's one that you'll remember forever. A happy ending isn't always the perfect ending. Maybe life needs a little tragedy to get us going; to remind us that even though love is all around, it's not always going to end up just like you want it to. But sometimes, even when we know we can't get our prized moment in life, when we know for a fact that our chance at love was missed and we've lost it, we take a risk. We grab that scalpal, don't bother to throw on the gloves of wisdom or wash our hands of our past mistakes, and head into the operating room. We try to turn figuring out life and love into a surgery and don't take into account all the things we've learned from other surgery's we've performed.

So, we move through the easiest layer; The Skin. The skin consists of the introductions, meeting for the first time, getting to know each other, developing more than a friendship, the first date, and once you finally break through all those skin cells, veins, arteries, and everything else, you've finally developed a good relationship with someone that you've started to like a lot, maybe even love. Sometimes it's a little rough to make it through tough skin, but we bust through, hoping that everything will be alright when we keep moving on.

But all those little veins and arteries, the ones that connect everything together; those are the ones you have to worry about as well. We can't just keep our focus on getting to the root of this surgery called love; we have to remember that there's about a million other relationships around us that we can't sever. One wrong cut and we lose a friend. It can't be our main focus to keep every single vein and artery intact, but we can't just slice through without thought, because, in the end, the ones who will be there for us if anything goes wrong, are our friends; our arteries and veins. The ones that build us up and keep us alive. They keep the blood flowing through us no matter what our mood is and make sure that we keep on living, no matter what is going on. Sometimes they get a little clogged up, but we can solve it so easily by just paying attention to how they feel.

After carefully slicing our way through it all, we reach the tough shit; The Bones. One function is to protect the heart, but in the world of love, it could be quite the opposite. As we make our way through the rough and rigid bones, we realize that there's a lot underneath the skin. Everything that makes up a person, the things you've never learned, the 'skeletons' in their closet. You start arguing about petty little things, like how to break through the bones completely without hurting anything underneath, or break through the tension in an argument without hurting any of the others feelings.

After having a shittastic day, this definitely just made me laugh and smile. And really hope for this as well.


8 Reasons to date a soccer player

1) We work w/balls really well
2) We do it for 90 minutes in 11 different positions
3) We like to be on top of our game
4) We enjoy getting hot and sweaty
5) We wear short shorts for better play
6) We are used to getting/talking dirty
7) We know how to take it up the middle
8) We play the field until we score

WOAHitsjuanito: it's like...
WOAHitsjuanito: god decided, "juan, i'm going to take everything you like in a guy, make him come true, and put him on earth for you."
fueledbynaat: lol
WOAHitsjuanito: but the fine print says
WOAHitsjuanito: HE'S TAKEN BITCH.
fueledbynaat: well God put him on earth for you the kid just doesn't know it yet
fueledbynaat: once he does..
fueledbynaat: BAM

{to be sung/heard in a type of Jenny Lewis' first album kind of music/voice}

they say there’s two sides to every coin
And four sides on every square
But how many are there
When love gets farther

I know I’m not one to share
I know that I shouldn’t care
But what should I feel?
It’s just harder.

Sometimes we know that we can’t do a single thing
My hearts still broken and there’s further assembly required

The band, The Sweet Tangerines, whom you may all have not heard of just yet, is in the process of making their newest EP; The Sweetest Sickness.

So far, the track listing seems to be:

1. I Think I'm Gonna Vomit
2. Tissue Wonderland
3. You Make Me Sick {Cover}
4. Hand Sanitizer Rendezvous


They shall also be having a band photo shoot soon.

Phail grammar/vocab/all that jazz, but I was tired and typing fast. -___-

so, whatever. it's me, my sister, her best friend, some random guy, and some random girl that they're friends with. so we go into the movie and sit all the way on top because it's the only place with five seats. to my left, there's two empty seats then like a four-year old and his SUPER CHONGA MOM. this was a child's movie, Coraline. so, whatever, it's the previews and the lady is talking on her cell phone, so i ignore it...like whatever. it's the previews. it bothers me but i'm not going to say anything. and she gets off the phone when her husband is coming up the stairs. once he reaches the top and sits down with food. they start talking. this was the beginning of the movie. she leaves to get some MORE food and comes back and KEEPS ON TALKING. by this point, we're getting a little frustrated bc it's 10 minutes into the movie and we want to listen. so we start like *coughcough* and making those signal noises to stfu. the lady keeps on, so i stay calm and just chill. my sister, on the other hand, goes and gets the supervisor and he tells the lady to be quiet. so the lady, looks at us super pissed off and she starts going semi-chonga. like, "what the hell. i'm just here with mah kid and mah husband and we're just watching the movie. we payed money like everyone else and we're just trying to watch the movie. i haven't been talking and if anyone has any complaints they can tell us straight to our face. but we're not talking. we're just enjoying the film." and like the guy is like mhmmm, okay. and right when he's going to walk away, the lady goes, "oh and i would like to complain about these kids in this row right here" and she points at us "cause they've been talking this whole time" and the guy just looks at her and walks away because...WE'RE THE ONES WHO COMPLAINED.



fun stuff. there's a lot more.

I was an optimist for a few months, until love struck me down.

Now I'm a pessimist.

Fear rules over us. It can be our worst enemy and our greatest downfall. But do we need fear to survive?

To quote the lovely artist, Lily Allen, "I don't know what's right and what's real anymore. I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore. When do you think it will all become clear 'cause I'm being taken over by the fear."

I know for a fact that I'm being taken over by my own fear. The fear of ending up alone and without the person I care most about. The fear of not hearing his voice anymore. I know it sounds stupid to some and most people say get over it, but how hard is it for someone to get over their worst fear?

So the next time someone tells you to get over something, ask them to get over their fear of bees, heights, or whatever they're scared of the most. Because everyone is scared to end up alone; there's no excuses in that.

I am as selfish as I am kind hearted. I help others even if it means sacrificing my needs, even though sometimes I’m more focused on my own. I like to be the center of attention but it's not a must in my life, although I enjoy it a lot. I change your mind as often as I hear music and I can never stick to one plan. I’m loyal to those who are close to me and I try to keep everyone happy. I’m a deep person and I tend to be judged by others when they don't even know who I really am or how I really feel. As hard shelled as I make myself look, I’m as soft as a pillow and only a few people really know that.

I know sometimes I’m conceited, sometimes I’m lost, sometimes I ask for too much, sometimes I say things I shouldn’t, and sometimes I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong, but I know what I am. And even though I’m a few parts bad and a few parts good, I’m trying to change the amount of bad I have. My hearts not inside or on my sleeve, it’s pretty much begging to be taken care of, but like my good friend says, “Big hearts are for breaking.”

I don’t know what I’m doing; I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore. I don’t know if I’m supposed to keep on caring; I don’t know if I’m supposed to look for signs. I don’t know if anything will ever become clear to me, but I’m hoping that it will.

and i hate some people
i'm pretty freaking lonely
and i have no soul

yeah, i'm a rapping Hamlet. check that bitches.

So yeah, I've been reading the tragedy of Hamlet. And for once in my freaking life, I'm semi-liking a Shakespeare play {as most people know, I despise Romeo & Juliet}. Probably because I can relate to the character way too much.

1. I'm probably crazy.
2. Family issues {don't like 'em}
3. My ex left me to make other people/his family happy {Ophelia doing everything Polonius said to make him happy instead of herself}
4. I'm still in love with my ex {clearly, Hamlet still loves Ophelia}
5. I'm a pessimist {just like Hamlet}
6. I've thought of what death would be like {famous soliloquy which isn't REALLY a soliloquy since others can hear him speak}
7. I do want to kill people on occasion.

So yeah, my name should clearly be Hamlet. I'm only on Act II, but so far, I am him -_-
And life fucking sucks. And people fucking suck. And yeah. -GIANT WAVE OF PESSIMISM-

Most of my friends are Bret lovers, but I lean towards Jemaine for some reason.
I got my tickets on Monday. Presale is so useful.
Only two months and a day until I see them <3
The day after my birthday.

But yeah, most definitely Jemaine's sugalumps.

it's my birthday month. :D
and also my best friend. :D

and she's a genius. and i'm hoping her prom date plan works out.
we're going to sit in starbucks and have 'prom date applications'.

only men should apply. lol




and if that doesn't work; single thirty-year old alcoholics anonymous HERE WE COME!

for future nerd use only.


You must be Darth Sidious cause you electrify me!

Jedi aren't allowed girlfriends. Fortunately for you, I'm Sith.

I may look like an Ewok, but I'm all Wookie where it counts, baby.

Date, or date not -- there is no 'let's just friends be'.

Definitely Natalie Portman <3

LOVE
This is a story about
LOVE
music is the food of
LOVE
nothing matters but
LOVE

I Love Moulin Rouge.
I was having a depressing day and then I walked into my film class and we began to watch it.
It's the only film that can brighten my entire day, make me cry, and make me burst into song at the same time.
Come What May, I will love it until my dying day.
And I can tell everybody that this is my film.
It's more than just spectacular!